I love your brain

To say this school year has been bumpy would be an understatement.

Our school is a wonderfully unique place. It’s a public charter school. The charter is inclusion. The student body strives to mirror the real world average ratio of typical students, gifted students (about 20%) and I.E.P. (Individual Education Plan) students (also about 20%). The I.E.P. students are those who have learning disabilities, behavioral disabilities or physical disabilities.

The children are all taught together in the same classroom(s) and there are no pullout services (i.e. kids who receive speech or physical therapy being removed from class to do so – therapies are integrated into the class). The classes are co-taught by a general education teacher who is supported by a special education teacher. Modifications are made to school and homework that challenge, or better access different students. Moreover, the children in our community are exposed to all different kinds of kids and quickly learn that despite sometimes obvious differences, they’re all more alike than not. Compassion and acceptance abound.

That said, it’s not an easy task to walk into a class with twenty something new students (yes, we have small class sizes too!) with various issues and have everything magically fall into place. It takes a lot of skill, patience, insight and dedication. It also requires adequate support of the special education teacher, collaboration with the families, as well as with the paraprofessionals who support the kids with needs. Successful school years are those where everyone is working together, communicating and supporting each other, as well as supporting the student.

Cole’s had great school years. He’s had ones that started bumpy before, like his fourth grade school year. He started school in full leg casts and a giant wheelchair that couldn’t fit near a desk or near his communication device due to a summer hip replacement surgery. He was miserable and disheartened that he couldn’t access things as he was accustomed to. On top of that, he had a brand new teacher. A teacher who did not yet have experience with kids like Cole and who at first seemed terrified. A month in, the casts came off. Cole returned to his usual chair and happily participated in class again. His teacher gained confidence, learned to access some of the more difficult kids, and quickly became one of the best teachers at the school. Definitely one of Cole’s favorites, and mine. Fourth grade ended up being a terrific year.

This year however has been slow to pick up. All of his teachers (in 7th grade you have six classes) are new to both our school, and a couple to teaching. There’s a great learning curve for all of them in general, coupled with the challenge of middle school kids.

Sadly none of seems to be working well and for the first time since he started pre-school, Cole routinely doesn’t want to go to school. This is a kid who formerly would tell you that he’d like to live at school. He used to be happy to get ready each morning, and was reluctant to go home at the end of the day. Now he wants nothing to do with it. We have a team meeting coming up where I hope we can make some strides toward improving things. One of the new teachers resigned last week, and a new permanent replacement will start after Thanksgiving. Perhaps fresh eyes on things will help with everything. This school is unlike anywhere else and I can’t imagine Cole thriving in a different environment. I have faith that things can improve.

There exists a contingent of people who are uncomfortable with others who are different and who are unable look past the differences or past their discomfort to be welcoming or kind. It always surprises me but I can accept that not everyone is going to embrace Cole, or take the time to get to know and understand him. I understand that it comes with the territory of being his mom. I’m not looking to change the world by using him as a lesson to others, especially not if it means putting him in the face of someone who has expressed unease about being around him.

Not everyone understands this desire to protect him from something that is somewhat unspoken. There are people I’m close to who seem to think it’s arbitrary but I know if they were ever to become aware that someone pointedly expressed discomfort at being around their own child or partner, they would likely feel the same way. It’s not the sort of thing one easily overlooks or ignores. It’s hurtful, both the ignorance of the people who have difficulty being around a child with disabilities and the lack of understanding or support from the others.

It rattles my soul that someone would pass judgment on a child, any child. It saddens me that anyone who cares about us would encourage us to put him in a position where he’s not entirely welcome.

Thankfully, it’s not something that comes up often. We are fortunate to have built a community of friends who embrace our little family. Cole has great friends who love him just as he is and he them. Over the years he’s managed to amass a great many fans. He’s endeared himself to the staff and patrons of many of our regular shopping haunts and eateries, and often finds new friends as we wander aisles. When he’s feeling especially outgoing, it’s hard not to want to stop and say Hello to him. To a large degree he is blessed to be a part of an extended community that welcomes him with open arms. For that I am thankful.

I’ve mentioned the chronic lack of sleep…Last night was no exception. Cole went to bed early because he’d been up since 3:45 am the night before which somehow translated to him waking at 2:15 am! Meaning I was up then too. Strangely when he wakes in the middle of the night, he’s not distressed like I am. He’s usually cheery and snuggly. He likes to spoon a little and chats a lot.

While I am happy to do the snuggling, it makes me sleepier, wanting to nod off. The chatting makes me grouchy. It interrupts the dozy feeling and removes me from the place where I can actually go back to sleep. Which is what he wants. He doesn’t actually want to be awake alone. He wants a cohort.

This morning I finally got him to go back to sleep for a little while around 6am…By that point I was awake so I just quietly read next to him enjoying the little snoring and especially the warmth of being next to him. More snuggles when did wake up and then a little morning TV in bed which has become one of his favorite weekend morning respites. He loves to watch a little quiet TV while snuggled up in the warm bed with the cat and dog snuggled up next to him. They all love it.

Sunday mornings are perfect for this, especially in cooler weather, and I love that Cole has finally grown to appreciate a good lazy Sunday morning. (He used to be antsy and need to get going from the second he woke up.)

During the week I long for these lazy Sunday mornings. Weekday mornings are a flurry of feeding, showering, dressing and rushing to get everyone ready and out of the house for school and work. There’s little time for distraction. We have a long weekend coming up with the Thanksgiving holiday and I’m looking forward to treating every day of that weekend like Sunday.