Archive for the ‘Wiritng’ Category

December 30, 2019

It’s hard to believe that 2019 is coming to an end – not only 2019 but the decade.  It’s hard not to have this past month define much of 2019, but the reality is there have been a lot of things that happened in 2019 that are to be celebrated.  Perhaps looking back, our current hospital adventures will be celebrated too.  At the very least, our survival of them!

One of the things I’ve worked on this past decade is to be more open to asking for and accepting help.  Somewhere in the last few years I started going to a special needs moms support group, which started opening me up to exposing myself.  I also have a couple of dear friends who encourage the same of me and it’s transforming my psyche.  I’m definitely a work in progress and will probably always be such but learning to be open to change and vulnerability have impacted my life in more ways than just as a mom.

I’m not good at resolutions so my interest in the start of a new year doesn’t really lie in committing myself to do this or improve that.  The usual things like devoting more time to wellness (fitness/healthy eating/sleeping), finding balance in life, being my best self are ongoing endeavors.  A couple of years ago I challenged myself (along with a friend) to try to do new or different things throughout the year.  That too is something I hope to continue to explore.  I was gifted a guitar for Christmas this year so learning to play is on the agenda – I have some lofty songs I hope to eventually master!  I also want to challenge myself to write more – whether it’s this blog, short stories or even letters to loved ones.  The practice is cathartic and I dream of one day having something published, making the practice even more important.

I see 2020 being the start of a movement where I strive to be more present with my time, care and interest in my family, friends and others.  I greatly appreciate the simple, but intimate joy, of spending time with people I care about or am interested to know better over shared meals, experiences and time.  I don’t feel like I do it enough though and really want to have impromptu meals, game nights, afternoons hiking with friends.  I’m at an age where life feels more fleeting.  An age where both peers and parents are leaving us or are facing health challenges.  Time shared is so much more valuable than any purchased gift.  My perspective of this value has deepened as I’ve aged and I feel strongly about drawing my community more into my everyday life, holding them dear and near, celebrating nothing and everything.

On that note, slightly in advance, here’s to a bright 2020!  I wish you all a glorious new year filled with promise, joy and love!



FEELIN’ GOOD (Nina Simone)
September 13, 2018

I’ve gone through another period of inconsistent writing and I find I miss the outlet terribly.  Life gets in the way of my creativity!  It inspires it as well but when writing is more the hobby and work and family responsibilities fill much of each day, hobbies take the back burner.  Nevertheless, I’ve challenged myself to make a bigger effort to sneak in a bit of writing each day.  The truth is, it benefits my mind and soul, so it’s a valued effort.

I turned 54 on the 4th…While I love birthdays, particularly other people’s birthdays, I don’t generally feel the creeping up of the years to be bothersome.  This year though it did make me feel introspective. Though I do have some self-awareness and keen sense of the things I need to do maintain my health, sanity, and joy, I do have a tendency to shirk some of the responsibilities that are required to maintain myself.  This year I made a decision that I will shirk less and go through my 55thyear taking better care to make time to exercise, write, enjoy my family and friends and to step out of my comfort zone as much as possible.

I’ve actually been attempting to try new things and put myself out there throughout the past few months.  Nothing radical, small steps to expose myself to new experiences, places, and people. It’s been a wholly positive endeavor. I took a girl’s night out grilling class and wound up sharing a table with two women, both of whom are speech pathologists and one of whom had coincidentally worked at my son’s school for a brief time.  What are the odds?

I also took a chance and applied to a writing program that Imagine Entertainment just launched. Beyond the lengthy application, that included a video component, I had to provide a project I would like to develop (I have a TV series idea that I’m working on) and other writing samples.  I was not among the handful selected (over 4,000 writers applied), but I feel proud that I put myself out there and gave it a shot.  I plan to try again for their next session in February.  It will give me some time to get my ideas in to a better format and who knows???  Another coincidence, my company moved into the same building as Imagine a couple of weeks ago!

I look forward to having a successful self-motiving, self-aware, self-caring, self-sharing year.  I want to be present and well for myself, my family, my friends and for any new challenge or experience that comes my way.



March 23, 2015

It’s National C.P. Month…Which of course has me thinking about the effect it’s had on my son’s life, and mine. I know the inclination is to feel badly for us however you’d be surprised that overall much of it’s influence in our lives has been positive. Much as I wish Cole’s life could be different for him, I can’t go into that “what if” place because ultimately, I can’t say that he’d be the beautiful, amazing boy that he is if things were different. It’s a slippery slope…

I saw a post on The Mighty where they asked people to write a letter to the diagnosis of their child, themselves, etc. I tried, but it ended up feeling like I was defining Cole by the diagnosis and he’s anything but that. In the end, the letter is to him:

It’s been almost thirteen and half years since we first met. You arrived in my life unexpectedly and immediately won my heart and shook me to the core. From the moment the doctors stopped using hours and days as markers of your future, we started to do our best to parent. We changed diapers, quickly learning to maneuver around the tubes and wires that were attached to you.

We held you as often as we could, talking to you and singing whatever songs we could recall – Lots of Beatles and Elvis Costello. You probably thought your name was Allison for a while there! Bringing you home, after five weeks in the NICU, was a huge milestone and meant lots more adjustments and routines. We learned to be adaptive and creative and most importantly we learned to accept help from others.

Doctors gave grim prognosis of what your life might look like, but you had other ideas and we were none too happy to support your every want, need and whim. You’ve thrived over the span of your short life. You’ve exceeded every expectation doctors had for you, and you have warmed the hearts of everyone who crosses your path, is touched by your smile, or delighted by your laugh.

You’ve never accepted that you had limitations. You find the way that works for you and you go for it. You lead a life not unlike what is considered typical. You’re a good student, a great friend, and an avid athlete. Though you have challenges other kids don’t face, and you’ve had to endure therapies, surgeries, and recoveries most kids don’t have to deal with, but you do it with grace and usually with the knowledge that whatever it is you’re having to do is ultimately only meant to better your life, strengthen your body, or enhance your day.

You inspire me on a daily basis and your influence has made me a kinder, more accepting and caring person. You also humble me. I understand that I too need support and that it’s not a failing to accept or need help. It’s a blessing to have people who I can count on to be present in my life, to listen to my woes and sorrows, as well celebrate in my joys. Your influence made me recognize that I value the strength that is gained in vulnerability.

To say I love you only touches on how indelible an impression you have left on me my dear boy. I am thankful for you every day and so proud to be your mom.

January 14, 2015

This year I’m determined to learn how to better promote my blog. I’d at least like to figure out how to link it to a Facebook page I created for it. I’ve come to realize that I enjoy sharing my writing more than I previously thought I did. I don’t necessarily feel like I’m full of great wisdom or extraordinary insights or humor but I love the outlet writing gives me and I’ve come to understand that writers write to be read. While I may not be a writer per se, not yet anyway, I will admit that sharing my words is satisfying.

Writing is simply a medium of expression. Like an art, it’s best when shared. I harbor a dream of completing a novel that I’m writing. Well, of completing one of the projects I’ve started over the years. I kept journals for many years and thoroughly enjoy the art of letter writing. I save them and I send them. An actual letter through the post is a treasure. I have letters from my dad, my grandmas, old boyfriends and friends. I save the beautiful cards my husband gives me, and a small scrap of paper where he wrote a sweet nothing to me before I traveled when we were dating. I have a box somewhere with notes passed between girlfriends and I during class in middle and high schools. Words to paper make me swell with joy.

Since my early twenties, I’ve had countless false starts at writing my debut novel. For a short time I toyed with the idea of a collection of short stories. They’re a medium that I greatly admire. The art of the short story is far more of a challenge than a full blown novel because to create a magical short story, it has to unfold so much more quickly but still have the impact of completion. I’ve started all sorts of different chapters of different stories, never to finish any of them. It’s only recently that the idea struck for a book idea that I might actually finish. That accomplishment would feel amazing, even if nothing were to come of it. Just the idea of completing a book…it’s enough.