November 27, 2017

I had this flash of anger this morning that quickly turned to sadness. I pulled up behind a car with a license frame that said “The Best Moms Get Promoted to Grandmas”.


Seems innocent enough but it smacked me in the face. Another reminder of what might have been in my parenting experience.

I don’t generally feel sorry for myself or for the lost parenting experiences I have because I am the mom of a (often whispered) special needs child. From day one my parenting experience has been unique and different from what I had imagined becoming a mom would be like.

Let me be clear, being Cole’s mom is the singularly most amazing experience I’ve ever had, but it’s not without bouts of mourning some of the milestones and joys that typical families celebrate. I’m human.  The moments of sorrow are fleeting and run the gambit.

I could run through the list but it would bore you, or give you cause to pity me and there’s nothing I like less than boredom or pity. The fact is there exists a long list of the joys and successes that fill my heart. They too are unique and different from what I had imagined but every bit as relished.

Becoming a grandmother is one that I hadn’t thought much about since I’m way too young to be a grandmother! HA. I just hadn’t ever registered that I won’t become a grandmother.   Seeing that license plate frame pissed me off, and then I was stuck behind it as I crawled the miles through the canyon to work. It just kind of sucked.  I’m a best mom…and shall remain so until the end…

Happy Monday to me.  Just needed to vent…


September 10, 2015

Fair warning…this is my little bitch fest today…I’m sick of hot weather!

And I’m watching one of my colleagues unload the contents of his refrigerator into our office fridge because he’s without power in his apartment due to the current heat wave. It’s topping 106 in Woodland Hills where Cole goes to school, and close to 100 in the city for the third day in a row.

It’s the kind of heat that has weight and tremendous volume. It hits when you step outside and encloses your being, stifling any desire to move further into its awaiting embrace.

Of course the heat, even extreme heat like this, is not usual to Southern California. I can think of two different years when we had to move to a hotel for a couple of night when our power went out due to widespread overuse.

Despite being a native of Los Angeles, of the San Fernando Valley in fact (I am an original Valley Girl circa 1982 song fame), I find the heat intolerable. I’m not a fan. It makes me cranky, sweaty (and I deal with hormonal sweat even in freezing weather so heat induced sweat just sucks), and lethargic. It’s hard to motivate to do much of anything when it’s so hot.

Cars are hot, bedding is hot, and my office is freezing! Dressing is odd because I need a sweater at work but if I step outside I melt. Being good community partners, we set our house thermostat so that it stays off during the day when no one is home but it takes hours to cool down once bodies are in the house so it’s never really completely comfortable these day.

I don’t like sleeping when it’s nearly 80 degrees in my room. Poor Cole is wrapped up in bracing that’s made of plastic and other synthetics that don’t breathe so he’s reduced to a puddle of boy come morning, though he’s more tolerant of the heat than I am. At least I think he is…Perhaps I’m just more vocal?

Thankfully, it’s supposed to start cooling down after the weekend…for a few days anyway. I have memories of actually hosting Thanksgiving dinners outside in the backyard because it was still nice and warm…sigh.