Today is our last official day in our (former) home of over 30 years. A home that housed first my grandparents and mom, welcomed both me and my brother as babies as I recently learned, and then me with various roommates and eventually my own family. It’s been the home both me alone and together with my husband have both lived the longest and the only home Cole has known.
Leaving it is a necessity as we’ve needed a different sort of space for Cole a decade. We’ve needed a different bathroom set up with a wider hallway that would allow us to use a bath chair support that wheels from his bedroom to the bathroom – that doesn’t require us to carry him to and from the shower, angling him just right so he’s not bumped into walls or corners. We’ve needed more open space so he can easily be wheeled throughout, or be seated, whether in his wheelchair or on a designated chair, so that he can be more part of daily life.
To be fair on this point, as with most young adults, he has little interest in hanging with us while we cook dinner or watch the news in the morning, but not having the option has never sat well with us (as evidenced by the countless attempts to find a non-wheelchair chairs that adequately support Cole’s challenged body. That’s a whole other story but we did recently discover that the Love Sac framed chair suits him fairly well so we’re adding it to our new family room with the hope that he might change his habit of only hanging in his room in our new space.
We’re still in the throes of packing up the last of our stuff – a process that feels freeing in many ways and difficult in others. Far too many memories tied to things that then connect to the human aspect of the same memories that tug at the heart. We’re doing our best version of Swedish Death Cleansing (IFKYK) so that we can travel into this next chapter less tethered to things and stuff.
Tomorrow will be a jumble of emotions and a lot of work and more than anything, a fresh beginning together because wherever we three reside will always be home.
HOME – Edward Sharpe & the Magnetic Zeros
August 9, 2026
The Waiting (Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers)
July 5, 2026
We’ve now toured six potential rental homes, applied for two, been rejected for one, and are now waiting for news about the other. Having lived in the same house for thirty-five years (I lived here before Dan and I bought it), I’ve not played the waiting game before and it’s excruciating. You want to plan and imagine yourself in a space. You want to figure out what will go where. You want to figure out how each room will be used.
The house we are waiting on right now is twice the size of our current home – a post war 1,148 square foot house with two bedrooms and one bath – yes three of us have shared a tiny single bathroom for almost three decades. The house we hope to move into is five bedrooms and three baths -what the hell will we do with three baths!?! It’s got an open floor plan with a beautiful kitchen and pantry and a proper dining room and five bedrooms. It would allow us to set up a proper office for Dan who has worked exclusively from home since Covid, designate a gym space, have a dedicated guest room and bathroom for anyone who wants to come visit, or an aging parent in need. It also has a pool, a pretty view and there are great hiking trails just up the hill. Plus, we have good friends in the area and it’s closer to a lot of Cole’s activities. So we wait, as patiently as we possibly can…
Everything about this experience of contemplating moving house, selling our current home, and searching for the right house has been kind of fun. There’s of course stress mixed in because moving is one of the most stressful transitions in life, along with divorce, death of a loved one, job loss and long-term illness. I’d argue that at least with moving and eventually divorce, there exist great upsides too.
I’ve stressed to both Dan and Cole that I hope to live differently in the new space. I want us all to find new ways to use the space and surroundings to inspire us to find new habits and routines. I can’t say what the specific changes will be but I feel determined not to fall back on current habits. I know I need to be more active and exploring my new neighborhood (on foot) will be a great way to get moving more, perhaps with Jude the Cavapoo in tow. I would very much like to encourage Cole to join us in the family living space – for years he’s had no interest in being anywhere but in his bedroom, watching YouTube, without us around. I’m hoping we can break this cycle and introduce movies nights or little kitchen dance parties to get him back into wanting to hang out with us a little more. Fingers crossed…
I love that we can have houseguest, who can finally feel like they have a little privacy in our space. Our guest room currently is the den, Dan’s office, and the guest space. There are no doors on the room, so we hang curtains in the doorways for privacy and we all share the tiny single bathroom. It’s never been ideal but it’s the best we had. It will feel so wonderful to welcome friends or family to stay with us in a house that has actual space and room for guests.
I can dream all day if I want to but for now it’s just waiting and as we all well know, the waiting is the hardest part…
This Must Be the Place (Talking Heads)
July 1, 2026
So it’s been years since I wrote anything here but we’ve sold our home of nearly 30 years (actually longer for me because I lived there before I met Dan) and we’re embarking on a new adventure. Much as we love our home and especially the gorgeous backyard we created about ten years ago, complete with a pool and outdoor kitchen, it just doesn’t serve Cole well and we need to do something different. We’re opting to rent for a couple of years, maybe more, until we better know where Cole will land when he’s ready for a group home situation, so the hunt is on for a bigger, more open space, pool, and decent sized bathrooms with tub or walk-in showers that can accommodate his bathchair.
Yesterday we had a chance to look at four houses. A couple were very high on our preference list and seemed to check off most boxes. There is one house in particular that we LOVE. And it lived up to every expectation. We’ve submitted an application and are hoping that despite our credit not being stellar, our income is significant and we believe we’ll be pretty fucking great tenants. We like our spaces to be warm, clean, stylish and well cared for. We’d bring the same to a rental. We’re on pins and needles waiting for everything to get reviewed and to know if this is the place.
As you can imagine, this is a really big deal for us. The house we are leaving was my grandparents house. My mom grew up in Cole’s room. I spent my whole life visiting or living in this house. It’s special and beautiful. It’s just too damn small (only 1,158 square feet with two bedrooms and one tiny bath). The backyard transformation gave us a lot more living space since you can be outside in Southern California nearly year round. It’s the only home Cole has known in his almost twenty-five years and we’ve build so many memories and traditions with our extended family and friends over the years.
Strangely, I don’t feel as sad about leaving as I thought I might. I’m sure it will come in waves as we pour through all of our stuff and pack up but I feel more thrill about setting up a new space, a new home, even if it’s not exactly our home. The notion of really culling our take-along furniture, clothes, and stuff feels liberating and having a chance to introduce beloved things into a new space, in different configurations with art shifting from familiar companions to create new inspiration. The idea of having more space to store things, and to feature treasures delights me.
I can’t wait to welcome loved ones to share space with us when we land…
I love your brain 