I love your brain

While I’m not big on the whole Valentine’s Day big wow romance thing, it is a day I like to honor people I love with a little something extra. I like to think I spread the love pretty well throughout the year but it’s fun to have an excuse to do a little something more. This year it’s a Saturday night and our sitters are all partnered up and celebrating on their own so I’m pondering ideas for a post-child-to-bed with my husband. We need it…I crave it…(and I’m not just talking about sex…)

Sometimes the demands of having a 24/7 child, full time job, and little sleep leave little to no time or energy for connecting with my husband. Often our conversations are focused on the basics: How is the Boy? Did he have a good day? Homework? How was your day? What’s for dinner? Then, bath and bed. Day over. Not a lot of time left for romance or energy for deep, thoughtful conversation.

It makes me long for the days when we were only two (not that I would trade our son for anything). When just being a couple was enough. We often spent weekends seeing movies, cooking together or trying new restaurants, seeing live music and friends. We were carefree, laughed easily, found joy in the simplicity of our life. Like most couples before they enter parenthood, we had the privilege to focus our attention on just ourselves.

The struggle with having a child who has special needs, particularly when the child is as dependent as Cole, is that all of our focus and attention is devoted to him and it’s constant. Everything else comes second, third, and never. Childcare is harder to come by because some of the needs are more specific. With Cole, we need someone who can lift and transfer him from chair to chair to bed. It rules out grandmothers…

We don’t have the luxury or freedom to do things like a regular date night where we can reconnect and remember. We try to grab moments when and where we find them and we appreciate these treasures, but sometimes if feels like they are few and far between. It’s often easier to for one of us to plan a night out with friends, like my regular Mom’s Night Out, or his recent camping trip with the guys, because there’s not a sitter issue, but it doesn’t solve the need for togetherness. Strangely, too, it sometimes feels like when we’re running through days and weeks without that time, it somehow loses its importance. We forget how great it is to snuggle up together and giggle about silly things, or share a bottle of wine over candlelight. But I still remember…