I love your brain

Cole and I both apparently have the flu…influenza A. He has it much worse than I do. It came out of nowhere and hit him like a ton a bricks. He was seemingly perfectly fine Saturday and woke up Sunday with some aches and then raging fever. Now his head is full of flu, he’s contending with post-nasal drip (which is hard for him and ends up upsetting his stomach too) and a very stuffy head. Fortunately, it’s not settled in his lungs and his blood oxygen is good.

We both started Tamiflu this evening…What fun. Not exactly high on my list of fun mother-son activities!

The worst part for me is how miserable he is. He can’t articulate exactly what feels badly. I think his throat may be sore, but he doesn’t respond with any definitive affirmation. He hasn’t smiled once today…He’s a kid who smiles a lot and whose smiles mean things beyond simple joy. Nary a grin or even half smile. today It’s bad when there’s nothing worth smiling about (even when I bumped my head in the car which usually elicits huge belly laughs!). (I sometimes bump my head pushing his wheelchair up the back ramp into the car…I don’t bend down quite enough and wham!).

Times like this are when I feel most helpless. I can take care of the symptoms I am aware of and do my best to make him feel comfortable but without any feedback it’s hard to know if all of the needs are tended to. It’s hard to know if there’s more I can be doing or something special he wants from me. I’m honestly not sure he always knows exactly what hurts or what’s just some of his normal ache. He’s so used to the tire comes from working hard in P.E. and then standing in one or two classes. He used to the soreness in his hips that comes from sitting in a wheelchair all day. I’m certain he could differentiate the ache that comes from this flu from his everyday aches.

But I don’t know…which is where the helpless feeling comes in. I can only assume things and try to help his doctor assume things better than I am. I wish I could simply him tight and wait out the flu with him and that it would be enough to comfort him and make him feel better. But it doesn’t…