ARE YOU READY TO BE HEARTBROKEN

This morning left my heart in pieces…

Cole and I have had a week of togetherness, with a few more days to go, whilst my husband is traveling on business. While I know he misses his dad terribly, he also relishes the time alone with me. He enjoys knowing that I’m the one who is solely responsible for him, mostly because when we are a threesome, his dad does more of the heavy lifting because he handles the driving to and from school, homework, often dinner, before I get home from work.

With him away, much of that falls to me, though I am blessed to have someone who can do the driving since I work in the complete opposite direction of his school. Otherwise, homework, dinner, bath, and all of the in between is me, and he loves having me at his beckon call. If I am to be honest, I love having the special time with him too.

I stopped working when he was born so I could devote my time and efforts to caring for him. We did a lot of early intervention therapies and started a co-op infant/toddler program when he was just a year old. When he started pre-school, we continued with therapies in the afternoons and I chauffeured him to and from school and therapies. It wasn’t until he started elementary school that I felt I could return to work and for the first couple of years it was consulting work so I had time to be on campus, and still was the main chauffer and homework helper.

Had things been different, my plan had to return to my career a couple of months following his birth, however life had a different plan for our family. In retrospect, having had so much time with him and the opportunity to be a full time mother was something I’d never trade. So now that I’m working full time and not the primary parent during the week, I cherish our little pockets of “mom & Cole” time. Even today when my heart broke…

He stayed home sick yesterday…He’s been stuffy and running a slight fever on and off for over a week. Despite a pretty restful weekend, he woke early and was just not himself so we both stayed home. He rested and I nurtured. So this morning he woke, happy and seemingly content. I ran around getting his gear ready for school, showered and got myself ready for work, and when it came time to get him dressed, he burst into tears. Tears that continued through dressing, transferring to the wheelchair, rolling outside to greet his ride, rolling into the van, and apparently all the way to the freeway. I know he’s well enough for school. I know he had good sleep. I know he will have a good day once he settles into it.

But I also know that he cried because he just wanted to spend another day with me…

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